Poison Apple Red

Text to BGF (best girl friends): Worst. Sex. Ever. I knew I shouldn't have sex with him!
Text to LS: That sucks. At least you broke the seal, let the games begin!
Text to BGF: I would have had a better orgasm if I just rubbed up against the seal instead!

Let me introduce you to New Guy. He's a totally adorable 25 year old, tattooed, Rugby playing, local boy that lives in the city while he's attending UCSF. I met him when my girlfriend E took me out to the 925 Lounge the same weekend I decided to move out of Car Boy's apartment. It was love at first tattoo sight - I noticed his and he noticed mine and then we made eye contact and by the end of the night, I was having so much fun I really didn't care if he never called me. But he did.

In fact, he calls me ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!! He's OBSESSED with me! At first it was cute, he was soooooo doting and adorable - a nice change from Car Boy! But when I would tell him to call me in the evening and he would call me every hour on the hour up until the evening... And when I would tell him I had plans and couldn't hang out and he would call/text me every few hours to make sure I still couldn't hang out... OMFG!! Slow your roll boy!

Remember in the movie, Hitch, when Will Smith's character flashes back to his nerd days and finds his girlfriend making out with another guy and he keeps shouting, "What did I do wrong!" and the other guys says, "You're doing it right now!!!" Yea, New Boy is doing it wrong.

Last night was our 5th date (thank God he went away for the 4th weekend) and I think about the 3rd date I had decided that I probably shouldn't sleep with him because then I'll never get rid of him. He's such a vulnerable little puppy dog and if I didn't LOVE his AWESOME 2009 Dodge Challenger so much, I probably would have stopped calling him last week. However, I decided that I needed to throw him a bone and give him one more chance to change my mind. So, I made him dinner last night and we had plans to stay in and watch a movie.

It was Cute Bartender's birthday last night so I had promised to come down to the bar and buy him a shot. The plan was one drink and then we would head back. Three drinks, one shot and one major flirting session with Cute Bartender later, New Guy got a call from his family telling him to get to the hospital because his 6 month pregnant sister was in labor. Unfortunately, he was drunk so guess who got to drive him to the hospital and meet his whole family!

OY! Did I mention that I hate being single again???

After we got back to the house, I was exhausted and he "just wanted to cuddle". Gag. "Ok, but I need another drink." Now, I didn't NEED to put on the sexy little nightie that I did but I didn't feel like climbing in my ex's boxers either! Let me just say that I'm damn sexy with or without clothes on but he is ugly naked. He has a smiley face tattoo on his ass cheek! And I'm not going to complain about a guy's size because it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean! BUT, I tried all of the "most convenient" positions and lets just say the soldier failed to climb the mountain.

Text from BGF: So when are you going to destroy him? I want to be there.
Text from LS: I'll camera phone tape it and put it up on YouTube
Text from BGF: That girl is poison...part 7

The good thing is that Cute Bartender was complaining that he had to go home and fall asleep with his dogs on his birthday. I pledged to make it up to him.