Stay In Touch Creme

Well, another week another load of crap. It's cold and rainy today, so me and puppy are all curled up in a blanket, in front of the fire with a big cup of HoCho (no "cho" for puppy tho!). It's an odd end to a long week. I was supposed to start a new job this week but unfortunately they called last Friday to say the job wasn't available after all. I really needed that job so I've been a little down and stressed this week. However, it's nothing a big cup of HoCho (and Bailey's) wont fix!

This whole unemployed thing is getting old and frankly, it's not a good look on me. I've reduced myself to realizing that I SHOULD put on make-up and do my hair when I go out, instead of it just being instinctual. It's a bad sign when people overreact when I do my hair and make-up! So, I admit that I have become a bit lazy. Why shouldn't I start my day at 11am? Who says Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches are not my new BFF? Why can't I wear my PJ's 24/7?

Normally, at this point in my cry of desperation I would jump up and go book a spa day, or at least go get my nails done and then run over to the book store or coffee shop and flirt with a cute barista. However, I am broke and the phone call I got yesterday from BMW Financial services was a harsh slap of that reality.

*Ring! Ring! *

"Hello Ms. LipSmacker, this is BMW Financial Services calling to let you know that you are WAY past due on your payments and your car will be repossessed if we don't receive payment by 7pm tonight."

"Oh, you didn't get my last payment? It must have gotten lost in the mail. I will send you a new check today, right after I get home from the spa, I will put a check in the mail. I promise!"

"I'm sorry, we're going to need a bank draft over the phone, we can't accept any checks on this past due amount."

"Can I pay you next week when I get my next UI check? That's the soonest I can pay you because I have to go to the spa and that's going to cost me a ton right now. See, I'm pretty and I need to maintain that, it's kind of a priority."

"Bank draft by 7pm tonight or the Mini is toast bitch!" (or something like that...)

No worries, crisis averted except I did have to sacrifice a much needed spa day. It's amazing how little I get done, given the amount of time I have to get bills paid in a timely manner! Being addicted to 12 different forensics shows and Storm Chasers is really killing my dedication to being organized! Did you know you can watch all of the back episodes On Demand on digital cable!

However, I am happy because I have figured out how to spend the least amount of time possible with Bartender Boy, but still make him think that everything is fine. We (he) used to argue about lack of one-on-one time but now, I make plans with him and then cancel but let him think it's his idea.

For example: I knew he was really stressed with school this week so I made early plans with him, knowing he wouldn't get his school work done in time, and then when it got close I called to check on him and convinced him that I really didn't want him to rush and "shouldn't your school work be a priority? We can hang out anytime, right? I agree that you should stay focused on what your doing and not rush thru it. It's Ok babe, I don't mind if we cancel tonight."

See, I'm good! Right?

He won't let us break up and believe me, at this point, I've tried. I don't mind being friends with him because he really is a nice guy when he's not trying to control my life, but that's not good enough for him. Fortunately, he always pays for drinks and he's very "attentive" in the bedroom and it's a nice change from most guys I've dated. My BGF-S has asked me to break-up with him as my gift to her for her birthday next week!

Is it wrong of me to do some online dating while I "technically" have a boyfriend?

Another bit of bad news I got this week was that my favorite bar, the fun and swanky, "925", closed it's doors for good yesterday. The bastard owner didn't even tell his staff, he just shut it down! I had many great memories there and met a lot of great people there. It was the place that brought me together with my BGFs - E and H and a slew of other great people. I had my birthday bash there, I quit smoking at that bar, I got support from the staff when the Car Boy fiasco went down and I never paid full price for drinks! Alas, it's the end of an era and if I had to very big pennies to rub together, I would buy the place. *Sigh* I guess I will have to go back to the Junkyard and start over!

Ok, so that was my long, sad week. But I want to sign off for the weekend on a good note, so here is my adorable puppy in her Angel costume - what a heart breaker!

Spice Is Nice Creme

I can't sleep so I've been stalking the Internet and all the wondrous joys it has to offer my insomnia. One thing is for sure - I will never understand how to properly use Twitter. However, in an effort to totally boycott Twitter's new "list" feature, I have decided that although I will never put Baby in a corner, I will also never put any of you on my Twitter lists! So, in true Boycott fashion, I have decided to instead, create my own personal "Mental Poo" list here on my blog.

Gentlemen start your engines:

1.) I heart Hayden P(something French sounding). More than her whole, "Save the cheerleader, save the NBC network" role... I watched her very teenageally challenged yet, emotionally stimulating role as, Beth Cooper, in the movie, "I Love You Beth Cooper", and fell in heart with her.

2.) I'm old. When I stop getting carded by the Russian immigrants at the liquor store and start getting carded by the 16 year old at the movie theater when I go to see a rated, "R", movie... I know that I have crossed over to the, "Looks Old Enough", side.

3.) I will from this point forward, dislike Alexis Bledel. Oh AB, how we grew in harmony together while I secretly envied you on Gilmore Girls - all but season 6 when the new writers had no idea what to do with you and Logan except make you completely co-dependant on his duchebagery! Now you go and star in a movie that is the exact same story as the book that I am writing! Unfortunately, you are yet again a victim of career destroying writing and the movie will blow and no one will want to buy my book! Boo, you whore!

4.) Will someone PLEASE tell Miley Cyrus that it's NOT a party in the U.S.A., unless you are talking about the strip club you have been working in? Huni, you are way too young to be that fucked up in your career to be dressing like a whore bad enough that even the Fug Girls wont dog you anymore! Stay off the pole and stop whoring yourself out to Disney!

5.) I get it that Popov Vodka is basically paint stripper but when you're unemployed, your liver really has no place to protest! It should really just be grateful I purchased the "Diet" cranberry as a mixer!

6.) Can someone tell Jon Gosling to PULEEZE go get neutered! No one wants to see another reality show train wreck about, "Jon and Date is 'Late' "! If you hate the media that much then WHY do you keep taking interviews? Dumbass!

Ok, that's enough snark for this time of night but if you have anything to add to my bitch list, then please post away!!!

Kisses!
-LS

Gifty Kisses

Hello my beautiful readers and Happy Monday! I was hoping to blog about some good news last week but it turned out that the good news was taken away from me as quickly as it was given so I spent the rest of the week drinking away my disappointment in bars with no Internet connection! Besides, I'm a strong believer in: Don't Drink and Blog.

So, in an effort to re-lift my spirits, after I recovered from my "candy" hangover (let's just leave it at that!), I eagerly logged onto my Gmail account to sort thru all of the costume contest entries. I couldn't wait to see what brilliant ideas you came up with for you, your friend, your animals and your kids! So, it was a bittersweet moment when I realized that only one reader sent me an entry. That's right, ONE PERSON entered my costume contest for a gift worth $80!! ONE PERSON!

I was certain this had to be wrong, my readers are the BEST! They love to get free goodies and participate in everyone's little reindeer games! I was certain ALL of the other entries had mistakenly been put in my SPAM folder. So I checked and there were 597 emails in my SPAM folder. OF COURSE that is where they all are! 597 emails and several cocktails later, I am happy to report that I now have ONE PERSON entered in my costume contest still.

For the record, she did submit two different photos, and here they are:

Photo 1: Spice Girls and


Photo 2: Captain Hook and Peter (and Tinker Bell's pixie dust) having a drunken battle!


A big congrats to JerseySjov for being the winner of my costume contest and thank you for being one of the three people that read my blog! For her participation she will receive not only the Go Smile travel kit but a huge gift box full of swag for her and her roommates! Enjoy ladies!!

Also a BIG thanks to my friends at SingleEdition.com for providing me with so many goodies to give away!

Don't worry, if you're one of my other two readers and the dog ate your .jpg, don't worry! I will have lots more goodies to give away soon!

As for the rest of my holiday, I enjoyed several parties and opportunites to wear my costume. I was pleasantly surprised that I managed not to get too grossed out by every other person's costume this year! I didn't make it to all of the parties I wanted to attend but I was happy that I got to spend time with all of my BGFs doing jello shots and playing beer pong - yes, I said beer pong!

Awards for costume greatness would have to go to my friends, E and Super Tall Boy for their costumes of Wonder Woman and Evil Kanievil (sp?), costume creativity to my girl H as a super cute Bumble Bee and Bartender Boy for his, "Ask Me About My Mustache Rides" porn star t-shirt. Last but not least, award for costume cuteness to me and S for being the most adorable no matter what we wear!

As for Halloween itself, I was surprised at how many people did NOT wear a costume at the bar! Boo on you! However, I did have fun. Bartender Boy (yes, we are still together) got a suite at the Marriott and we cabbed it down to the 925 so we could avoid all of the real cops (as opposed to the skanky 21 year old whores dressed as slutty cops). The DJ was rockin and people were dancing and drinks were flowing. I decided to dedicate a Miley Cyrus song to the bartenders and was thrilled that the DJ actually had it! Unfortunately the bartenders were not thrilled to have to listen to it!

When I told the girl in the wedding dress that I liked her costume (because I like to tell ugly people they look nice as my little contribution to society), she bitched that "it's NOT a costume, I just got married!" So I guess that clown dressed as a cowboy was actually her new husband!?

Anyway, I'm over Halloween till next year. Time to start Christmas shopping!!!

Mystic Rouge

Happy Halloween to all of my beautiful freaks and ghouls!!!! Hope you get lots of treats in your bags tonight!!!

Don't forget to send me your costume pictures this weekend to win a complete Go Smile kit worth $80!!!!

Masquerade Red

So tonight is the first of 5 costume parties I will be attending over the next two weeks. I have my costumes pressed and ready to go, shoes polished and all of the details down to the panties I will be wearing are all planned out! It's safe to say, after breaking into the Halloween candy last night (com'on, did you really think I'd save it for a whole week!), that I'm a wee bit excited to get the party started. However, my real excitement lies in the fact that Bartender Boy will only be with me for less than half of those parties and you know what they say... While the cat's away the whores will play!

The first party tonight will be in attendance with two of my lovely, curvy lady friends. They have coaxed me (only because costumes and liquor are involved) to attend a BBW party with them at a swanky club in the city. I have heard numerous hilarious stories about these parties involving a lot of snark and bad wardrobe decisions (on behalf of the other attendees of course).

If I can get away from that in time, I will be heading over to a Masquerade party at the 925 so I can bump into some local friends and get some drinks that are twice the liquor and half the price. Now that Bartender Boy doesn't work there anymore, I can finally be myself and enjoy the party!

Tonight's damage will be done as a sexy little Dorothy from Wizard of Oz. I would love to throw my pup in a basket and call her Todo but I'll settle for holding onto a drink all night instead!

Can't wait to came back and share all kinds of (hopefully) crazy stories with you on Monday! Have a great weekend and don't forget to get out your cameras and send me those costume pictures!!

Twilight Venom

Ok, so why are we in a fight? I know I've been gone for a while so that is why I'm trying to give you goodies to bribe you to come back and be my friend again!

Very few entries for the COSTUME CONTEST so far!!! So, I am going to extend entries to include Halloween weekend. But don't procrastinate, send me what you've got now, there's no restriction on how many photos you can send in! And if' you're the winner and you sent in your photo early, than I'll even throw in some EXTRA goodies too!!!

I know many of you will be hitting the clubs and the parties in your sexy French Maid costumes this weekend so take your cameras and your camera phones or your web cams and send me the pics!!

I have lots more goodies to give away to you my beautiful readers, but I need to know you want them!! My peeps over at SingleEdition.com keep sending me some really rad stuff that I can't keep all for myself! So if you like really great free stuff, then tell your friends to come on over and join the game!

Send your photos to me at: hotdoggirl@gmail.com and don't forget the contest now ends on Sunday, November 1st at midnight.

XOXO
-LipSmacker

P.S. - I'll show you mine if you show me yours!

Make-up Breakup

Have you ever had to break up with your make-up brand? I was an Estee girl most of my teenage and young adult life but eventually it just didn’t cut it for me anymore. My skin changed and I had different needs beyond what Estee could offer. They changed their formulas and product lines on me so everything that once worked so well suddenly was no longer available and the improvements just weren’t working for me. I had a hard time giving up on Estee and my loyal make-up consultants. I tried to keep a few basics in my make-up bag but the truth was, I was still searching other brands for products that worked better with my skin.

Eventually I had to give into what I knew was a better brand for me and so I finally cleared out my make-up bag of everything Estee. Sure, I would find a spare eye-shadow or skin care sample floating around the bottom of my bag but my skin no longer craved them. Obviously the company can survive just fine without having me as a customer but I would like to think that my sales girl at the make-up counter hasn’t completely erased my number from her book of customer contacts. I could have stuck it out and searched online for the original Estee products that I wanted to keep using, or I could have even made their new formulas eventually work for me but I like to think I value my skin more than that. So in the end, of course I had to find a brand that was better suited.

And so it is with men.

As I mentioned previously, I am in the process of trying to break things off with Bartender Boy. I actually had planned to end things last week but then he lost his job and I just didn’t want to see him take another blow by having his girlfriend break up with him too! I don’t mind the pity dating for a little while, while he recovers emotionally from that loss but unfortunately his insecurities tend to cause a lot of arguments in our relationship.

After having a great time Thursday night attending the monthly Speakeasy party at the 925, our 3 month anniversary, I was back at the bar again Friday for Bartender Boy’s last night. I was flying solo because all of my BGFs were already busy so I made plans to hang with them the rest of the weekend. On the way home that night, drunk and tired, he shit itty-bitty alligators all over me because he was mad that I have been too busy to stay the night with him for the last two weeks.

The whole argument was ridiculous but what made me livid was that he got mad at me for making plans with my girlfriends and not checking with him first! Since when did I appoint him the Sandra Day O’Conner of my social calendar? How dare he assume that I need HIS permission to spend time with my girlfriends! He spewed hot, stinky Jack Daniels fire at me the whole way home and when I pulled up in front of his house, I barely stopped the car enough for him to get out before I drove away.

However, I had such a great weekend with my girls! I highly recommend going to see, “Paranormal Activity”, on the big screen if you like to be scared out of your mind!! It was a nice change to not have to worry about whether or not I was going to do something that was going to cause an argument. And from what I heard, Bartender Boy had a great time Saturday night with his bar friends and was out partying until 5 am!

Problem solved right? We both enjoy hanging out with other people…

Monday I met up with Bartender Boy again. And what was supposed to be a few drinks, turned into 5 hours of drinking! He likes to accuse me of being an alcoholic but he’s the one that has no self control once he starts drinking! Once again, two hours after I had left him at the bar, he called and woke me up and tried to pick another fight because I couldn’t commit to making plans with him for the weekend (he knew I already had plans for the weekend!). Instead of let him bitch at me, I told him I was going to hang up and talk to him when he was sober. He proceeded to call and text so much that I had to turn my phone off so I could get some sleep! He was still texting me at 4:30 in the morning!

Ironically, he really doesn’t want to break up! He is set on working things out and staying together. I have different plans. I refuse to be his punching bag every time he is unhappy or drunk. I barely like him enough to pity date him as it is! I warned him last time we fought that I refuse to put up with any more of his bad behavior.

I’m sure, to some of you, I sound like a heartless, selfish, insensitive bitch. However, I feel like I am trying to be the nice one here and not kill the boy by breaking his heart right now. If he can manage to spend time with me and not bitch about anything, then I actually enjoy being with him. Unfortunately, he seems to feel like the only solution to all the drama is that I spend more time with him… in his bed… naked.

Don't forget to send me your costume pictures for the costume contest!!!

Vicious Vixen

COSTUME CONTEST!!!

Ok my beautiful readers, Halloween is just around the corner and if you don't have your costume ready then grab a sheet off your bed and learn how to tie a toga because the store shelves are very empty! As one of my favorite holidays all year, I love to attend and throw parties and wear my costumes as many places as possible. This year I will be doing a re-run of my last three years worth of costumes - Sexy Krispy Kreme girl, Sexy Dorothy and a Flashing Flapper girl!!

Bartender Boy has been growing his mustache out the last few weeks so he can show up as an authentic 70's Porn Star!

In support of my costume fetish, I have decided to host a costume contest here at LD!

Get out your camera or dig thru your old pictures and send me a picture of your very best Halloween costume. I will be giving away a treat for your efforts, a complete, GO SMILE, travel kit worth $80!! Points for creativity and points for sexy costumes too! I will pick my three favorite pictures and post them here next week for all of you to vote on! Photos must be of you or someone you know; please no kiddie-porn (children in sexy costumes)!!!

Please email your photos to me at: hotdoggirl@gmail.com by midnight Sunday. Happy Trick-or-Treating my beautiful readers!!!

Red Memories

In memory of one of the worst moments in the Bay Area. Ocotober 17th, 1989 a 7.0 earthquake shook the Bay Area. I will never forget where I was that day or the disaster that resulted from the quake. For those of you that are from the Bay Area or lived here when the quake hit, I'd love to hear your stories!

Gloss Over

Ever look at the bottom of your make-up bag after a wild weekend or long vacation? Mine is usually a big, pencil shavings, gloss smear, gum wrapper, loose change, powdery mess and requires a run in with a sturdy sponge. Well, after the last several months of drunken delights, forgotten memories, road trips, drama queens, cruise cocktails and sensational sex, I'm in need of a through cleaning!

So yes, I'M BAAAAACK! I'm sorry to have forsaken all of my beautiful readers but I have to say, besides the occasional Tweet and FB/MySpace update, I did enjoy the freedom of being away from my computer. Well, I wouldn't say I was "away" from my computer because I was working on some of my other writing projects that I am happy to report are coming along nicely!

Anywhoo... This summer flew by quickly and I'm still trying to piece together all of the memories and drunken nights! Things started out great and even though I was homeless for a little while after moving out of the apartment I shared with Car Boy, I finally settled in with family for a few months. I hope to be out on my own again after the holidays. I still am technically "unemployed" but have managed to pick up a little side business here and there. I'm enjoying the freedom of my days and have even decided to go back to school! I'll start classes twice a week this winter and will be able to earn money while I pursue my Travel Agent license.

Bartender Boy and I are still seeing each other although it's not been without some ultimate drama queen moments (on his part!). I still am trying to convince myself that I truly like him but I feel like it is all still too soon after my last relationship to expect myself to "fall" for someone again. Bartender Boy feels differently. We have had several huge arguments and I have tried to get him to break up with me several times but I think he is too chicken. I would have broken things off myself but strangely enough I care just enough about him that I really don't want to break his heart. I know if I end the relationship it will devastate him but if I get him to do it, then he will be better off. I was finally at the point where I couldn't stand him anymore and was going to end things when he lost his job. The 925, despite every effort possible by it's patrons and bartenders, is losing money and is for sale. The owner is quietly cutting it's staff, starting with Bartender Boy. It will truly be the end of an era!

The truth is, Bartender Boy would make a great boyfriend for someone that is as needy as he is. Someone who NEEDS to be needed. I am much too independent for someone like that. I enjoy my space and enjoy time away from my partner. He would prefer that we spend every waking moment together and that I be completely open and available to him 24/7. We fight more about the fact that I am less and less intimate with him but I know it's because the more he clings the less I want him. Despite the fact that Car Boy was always with his girlfriend when he was away from me, I actually enjoyed him more after I had time to myself and time to miss him!

The cruise I took at the end of September with 10 other girls, was the first time I had to myself since the end of June. I felt so liberated and free. I had more fun than I ever expected! It was the first time I had to really think about everything I had been thru this year and it was the first time that I was completely out of reach of Bartender Boy. The few weeks leading up to the cruise he and I fought constantly because he didn't trust me on the cruise. He swore that I was going to hook up with a cabana boy or waiter (he's never been on a cruise)! I assured him that I have never ever cheated on a boyfriend and had no desire to do so. Well, after weeks of planting that seed in my head...guess what I did on the first night of my cruise with a fellow traveler?

I felt like shit afterwards but then I realized that it really had nothing to do with Bartender Boy, it was about me and the chance to experience my own personal freedom for the first time in over a year! I've been so smothered by relationships and my own personal drama that I haven't had time to think for myself or feel for myself. On the cruise with no rules or boundaries or responsibilities, I had the chance to be myself again! That little vacation was exactly what I needed to get back to my happy place again.

Anyway, after I experienced all of that I realized that I needed to be more aggressive about taking back my life and not letting any man/person rule how I feel or live. It was an important lesson that I had forgotten over the last year. I also realized that even though Car Boy lied to me, the way I felt about him and the love I had for him wasn't a lie. I had been fighting so hard to scratch those memories from my life that I was struggling to let new memories in, but now I can give myself permission to be happy and appreciate that knew how to love someone.

So there you go, that's where I've been roaming this summer. Some other awesome memories from the past few months include: Couples road trip to Santa Cruise to see the band, "Two Spot Gobi" - the band was good but drinking all night at the bar with my BGFs and our boys was the best memory. My 32nd birthday bash that I shared with my BGF, H - we did it up rock star style and got hotel rooms, a reserved booth at the 925, had a DJ play just for us and our own drink specials plus all of our awesome friends that came out to help us celebrate. Somehow I ended up with a Pinata in the trunk of my car and smeared cupcake in my boobs in the morning!

It was a great summer but I'm happy to be back in blogging land! Stay tuned for more funny stories from my crazy summer, giveaways from my friends at SingleEdition.com (I just got a new shipment of goodies!), and a Halloween costume contest! I've missed you my beautiful readers!

XOXO
-LipSmacker